Understanding the Responsibility Named Marraige!

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25^th Dec 23

Marrying a woman is the biggest responsibility a man accepts by choice… Me.

 

Dear Dada,

Today I am writing to you for the last time as a boy because from tomorrow you are no more a boy though you will remain a son, dada etc. for me ever but no more a boy for sure & that’s why this day is special & so are my words today! Why I felt that marriage is the biggest responsibility because every man is a son to some woman & many are brothers , brother-in-law , cousin, first cousin to many women & all these relations a man is born with & can’t have them or reject them by his choice. And every relation is a  responsibility too, only if you understand meaning of the term relation but to marry some woman is solely by the choice of the respective man & that’s why I said, its responsibility by choice, which you have chosen for yourself & this responsibility you will have to stand for ever as a man, is also I will tell! Dada, relations even those of the blood breaks or people drift or just turn their faces from responsibility of the relation because they are not made by choice, which is the easiest excuse a man (read as a coward) usually gives but not with marriage! Here you are holding hand of a woman who is not born in your family, not known to you till very recent & she is leaving her home, family, people just on the trust she puts in the strength of you to hold her hand, this is the biggest responsibility a man can have, her trust that you will be with her always!

I know, in Generation Z (today’s world) this may sound useless or foolish but do min Old School always prevails, its philosophy as that’s proven. here I am not discriminating on the gender front & respects as well believes woman’s ability yet how many men leave their home & go to stay at their wife’s home after marriage or how many name change their surname & takes their wife’s maiden surname by deleting their surname after marriage, how many men will like to apply for new passport, pan card, driving license as their name has been changed post marriage or how many men have guts to give up their job or beg for transfer in the job just because they have to change their residence post marriage & the list is very big. More than the items on the list bigger is the sacrifice the woman has to make to accept to hold the hand which she is to hold & trust me not many men can do this & you have to respect that sacrifice ever! Dada, today you mom is not around to tell you things about running a family & I know I also am not an idol to do so but whatever I have seen around & at our home, with my parents as well have been lucky to gain some wisdom from friends I am sharing my views about marriage, family (read as Sansar) & responsibilities you will face ahead! There are many books about management, business, success & such but there are no books about how to become a successful family man because the scale of success isn’t applicable here in the first place is what most people fail to understand! Instead, trying to become peaceful is the right way to describe the success of a family man & that is possible only when you respect your woman above everything, even above your own self a times is what I will share & she deserves it, you are not making any favor to her, Absorb this truth first! Only if a man respects his woman for what she is to him then he is eligible to call himself is a man, I firmly believe this as I have learnt, a woman can take hurt & insults from the entire world but not from the two men ever; one is, her husband & second is, her son, never forget my words! I myself may not be the perfect man to your aai but I tried, is what I will tell 7 that’s what I will expect from you as that’s the sure way to achieve peace while you take this responsibility as in exam you may fail but satisfaction is you gave your hundred percent, is another aspect of looking at it! Coming to learn to handle the responsibilities, do mind a relationship is kept alive not by giving costly gifts or luxurious holidays(for your genre that too is necessary though, lol) but in the smallest of the things & for that you will have to think from your partner’s mindset. Never expect her to reach out for you but you will have to reach out for her, if you can’t pull up then dive down, no shame in doing that! Most importantly share & share frankly whatever you feel & in the right way, that’s the key!

Dada, long back when you were kids, we used to call our friends at home for dinner & many times for public relations also. You mom used to cook food. At that time we couldn’t afford a maid full time, and she had to stay awake till late till all the guests had food & leave. One night, after drinks, one of the friends (a very senior officer) said he won’t eat as he is full. Hearing this, another friend who also was a senior office & by age also, scolded him, saying you have to eat as the lady of the house has taken so much effort to cook the food for us & not eating is an insult to her! Those words I still carry in my mind as I was of your age, from that day I have followed a rule to inform home if I am not be there for the lunch or dinner  & if I am at home then I eat whatever has been cooked for me, earlier it was by your mom, now by my mom but that’s what I have learn. This is a very small thing but it makes the woman of the house very happy, ask your Aaji this, if you don’t trust my words!

One more thing about food, I have seen my mom being scolded for the taste of the food at home ( and have heard many women getting  insulted over their cooking skill at their respective homes)   & I have decided one thing by myself, never ever name the food which comes in your plate, may it be your home or anywhere. Once over lunch at our home in  Dal (aamti) salt was missing & I ate it without mentioning to your mom. Later when she started eating, she realized & asked me how come I didn’t notice that there is no salt in  Dal! I replied, I also forget many things at work & get thrashing for forgetting, I know how bad that feeling is, so I didn’t complain! Well, this doesn’t mean I was one of the best husbands or successful but you can always do better from these tips, is what I will say & more than that don’t false praise but do make your woman understand that you know & respect her efforts, that's an important part of the relationship!

To conclude, well ten pointers may be too much but five pointers for your responsibility ahead…

1.Respect your woman above your ego & forever & never say a bad word about her even to your closest friend in a joke also!

2.Never be ashamed to say sorry to your woman when you know you have done wrong!

3.Don’t wait for her to tell her problems or needs, you take the lead & reach out for her needs!

4.Cheer her up for her achievements & be a support rather than trying to become her coach!

5.When you think you are tired or down, don’t be hesitant to ask her to help you to get up, she will always be there for you!

This as  I said, is what I have understood about taking responsibility of a woman, maybe it was too late for me but you have entire life in front of you so shared it & you can take things ahead from here & in a much better way… wish you a peaceful responsible life ahead, is all I wish for you & sure your mom also would have wished same!

 

Baba (& aai from wherever she is)

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Sanjay Deshpande 

smd156812@gmail.com

Sanjeevani Dev.

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