Dear Baba!

 

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“A father is not just a biological term; he is an entire education system... only the fortunate ones get admission here”… Me

Baba,

92 years... "Babu Moshai, zindagi lambi nahi, badi honi chahiye" (Life should be grand, not just long)... For many years, I couldn't grasp the true meaning of this dialogue—what difference did it make whether life was grand or long? Didn't both essentially mean large or long enough? But looking at Baba, I came to realize that life can be both—grand as well as long!

Baba, you lived entirely on your own terms and left the world just the same! Just six months ago, on your birthday, even though you looked tired in the picture, I have captioned it, “I am old, not Obsolete.” But then every journey must come to an end somewhere, sometime... and all that remains behind are the memories of the life journey! Among the countless lessons you imparted, a passion for cinema was one—and perhaps one of our very few shared traits; which is why movie references come in so handy whenever I need to express myself! Looking at today's kids (including my own), seeing their expectations from their father (and mother too), and their reactions when those expectations aren't met—by those standards, we should have committed suicide every single day & this is not sarcasm or ! And it wasn't your fault at all; rather, we were the most fortunate to have a father who gave zero importance to us or our emotions. Because only then, when we eventually achieved so much later in life, did we understand the true value of everything—and that respect for its worth stayed with us forever!! Back then, all fathers were like that; so, thank you for following the right path and keeping us grounded at all times!

Baba, the greatest gift you gave us was discipline! Because of that, all the subsequent lessons became easier to understand and put into practice. We didn't talk every day, nor did we have the convenience of phone calls when we were far apart, yet there was always a Wi-Fi connection... invisible, but deeply felt! you didn't pamper us in the conventional sense, though you punished us plenty; but that is precisely what taught us that even affection comes with a price. And most importantly, the realization that while everything can be bought or borrowed, mental toughness and the willingness to take responsibility are things you have to build within yourself! and yes, preserving self-respect through it all (which many might mistake for ego)—that was the very lesson, the “Muz par ek ahesaan karna ki muzpar koi ahesan na karna”wala attitude! That's your gift to me, lol!! And you did sacrifice your own desires for the sake of responsibility as a dad! In our locality in Khamgaon, the first refrigerator came to our house, the first color TV came to our house, the first land line phone came to our house... all because of your fondness for these things! You had a strong desire to buy a four-wheeler, but keeping only our education and our settled lives in mind, you set your own wish aside. You never spoke it out loud, yet we understood it—and the lesson behind it too!

And the habit of writing down an account of expense of even ten paise ... that still serves me well in business today! Though you were a teacher, I was never your student in the conventional sense, yet you were always my 'class teacher' in the classroom of life, that makes me the most lucky student! Many things were never explicitly said or heard between us, but that certainly never created any distance! and yes, your love for plants... that is why, without caring about 'what people will say,' we mixed your ashes into the soil of all the pots on our terrace! Today, if your soul is lingering around, that is entirely your own choice; because even today, I do not have the authority or strength to tell you what you shoud do!

All I can say is, you are no longer physically here, but your presence will always be with us. And the path you expected me to walk on will remain my path—because it was, and always will be, the right path! and I will try my absolute best to ensure that Rohit, Rohan, Nikhil, and Ketaki walk on it too... This is my and Neeta's tribute to you!!

(I am writing on Neeta's behalf as well; firstly, because she took maximum care of you, more than a son would have done (read as me), and secondly, because she wouldn't be able to write all this—a fact you would know well, lol!!)

Your Son and Daughter (with all, even bagira)

Oh yes, something your grandsons’ wrote to me, thanks to you as you are the cause they wrote to me which actually is a tribute to you only….

“You are more than what you have become.” — Mufasa, The Lion King

Dear Baba,

I am sure Abbu must have never told you the above words, but for sure he must have felt

it.....For five years after Aai passed away, you wrote letters to us. Through those letters, you

shared your thoughts, memories, worries, hopes and, most importantly, your love.

Abbu lived a long and full life of 90 years. That means 90 years of memories, struggles,

happiness, family and so many stories that will always stay with us. But no matter how old

we become, I don't think anyone is ever ready to lose a parent. Today, we don't just see you

as our father. We also see you as a son who has lost his father.

The relationship between a father and his sons is a funny one. There is a lot of love, but

somehow nobody says it....... Instead, love comes in the form of advice, lectures, arguments,

scolding and the famous, “Ata tu motha jhalays tari baapacha aaikat jaa kadhitari” which

every son knows that he should at least think about it. We are sure you and Abbu had your

own version of this.

There must have been so many times when you disagreed with him, got angry with him or

thought he was being too strict. We can say this confidently because we have gone through

the same things with you. Maybe that is how fathers pass down their love, a little love, a lot

of scolding and a lot of advice.

So much of who we are comes from you, just as so much of who you are came from Abbu.

His habits, his values, his strength, his stubbornness and probably many things you once

promised yourself you would never do when you became a father — but ended up doing

exactly the same even before you realised that, and when you do realise you definitely carry a

smile in that moment. And one day, unfortunately for our children, we will probably do the

same.

The lessons a father gives his sons don't always come through words. Sometimes we learn

simply by watching how he lives, how he takes care of his family and how he stays strong

when things get difficult. I know there is nothing we can write that will make losing your

father easier. But we want you to know that today, you don't always have to be the strong

father you have been for us. Today, you can simply be his son. Remember him. Miss him.

Talk about him. Laugh about the things he did. Remember the arguments, beatings the good

times and even all the advice that you later realised was right. Also now it will be easier for

you talk to him......where he will listen and just give signs which only you will understand.

Love you,

Rohit & Rohan

-

Sanjay Deshpande 

smd156812@gmail.com

Sanjeevani Dev.

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https://jeevnachadrushtikon.blogspot.com/2026/08/
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