Vision of Life; by Sanjay: Being a Right Father!

“My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give to his son; he believed in me.”
― Jim Valvano

“My Dad used to tell me... You can't outrun your problems; they'll just be waiting for you when you come back.”
― Sarah Hina

“I learned many things from my Dad & few of them are, how I must not behave in some circumstances”, … Me.

Well, as the quotes says the story the sharing is about Dad/ Father (Baap, sounds better, lol) rather about father -Sibling (Dad-Son, more specifically) & I will be keeping it brief or short for two reasons, this is not my comfort zone i.e. to write about relationships & second, I myself doesn’t have got much exposure to this relation, even with my Dad! Yet the subject kept popping in the journey where I too am Dad of two grown up(are they really, lol) boys & given the situation at my home front I always try or tried to not to give them feeling about the father which I or my genre used to have! I am die hard fan of movies & there had been wonderful movies, especially in Hollywood about ideal Dad-Son relationships, starting from Godfather to Superman to Black Panther, A Good Dinosaur & then there is, legendary Lion King (plz google)! In all these movies the father has always shown very soft, gentle, humble, open for discussion, caring, mature & yet strong to the core, always an idol for the son! And he tries to show not just the right path to his son from his talks (sharing) but to make his son understand what he is, what his legacy is & how he (the son) must look at himself, instead of just copying his father! Something our Indian dads’ never used to do with their respective sons! Our biggest problem today is our aimless, under-confidence, directionless youth & they alone are not responsible for their such state of mind! And when it comes to taking responsibility for failure of a son (or a daughter) , may it be career front or character front, the father always hides behind mother or teachers & in case mother is not there, then the blame goes even to old Dadi but never the father, this is subject of my sharing!

Disclaimer no.1, I am not a bit of Hollywood father, not I consider myself separate from our Indian Dads but at least I realised what’s missing on my being dad front & I started trying to become a right one & in the process I too am learning (read as realizing) many things, or else I wouldn’t have dared to touch this subject ever! As I mentioned, today you see millions of youths cursing entire system, running away from responsibilities (especially boyz/ men) or going on wrong path of life (crime) & this all could have been avoided in many cases had the father realized that his job was a bit more than earning money for the family of which his son is also a part! Sorry for the mention (keeping due respect for the families), even the suicides of farmers & s when the susides are of students, its men/ boys whose numbers are more! Job of a father does focus more about earning for the family & feeding them but then there is one more job & that is to keep the family on the right track of life & here too his son is part of the family & for the son a father must teach him to face adversities as well to accept & overcome defeat! And this right track thing included many small things, such as while driving his son to school not breaking red signal, to not use abusive language for traffic to speak with respect or with equality to mom of you son to appreciate smallest of the efforts taken by every family member (mainly that of house-lady) & the list is endless! All such small things a man does, he must not forget he has a young son who is observing all these things very closely & somewhere in future he will be copying all these things as right now he doesn’t understand other things which the dad has to face when the son is not along! This is how you develop culture or say induce culture in your son i.e. by your own actions, is what every father must remember, is my subject of sharing! In our Indian culture a father is supposed to always behave strong & be the Boss of the family but this Boss thing comes with a responsibility is what we forget to make our son understand & that’s a failure for the man! Indeed, no father will think ill about his son & always will want him to be better than himself but he must not forget, for doing that the son need not necessarily follow the same path which his father has followed! Again, this doesn’t mean if the father has followed a right path then the son should not follow it, here the role of father is try his best to make his son understand the importance of following a right path, not because his father has followed but because it’s a right path! Here is where most Indian fathers fail as they press too hard on their son to follow their own path, that’s not following, that's copying which is not ever going to succeed! And when the son fails, then blame goes to his mom, that she didn’t teach him to follow his father or the school is useless, but reality is the dad is the one who has been useless as a dad! His time for every man to take his son in confidence & make him understand life in the best possible way & its never late, is all I can say! In one such effort I wrote a B'day letter to my dad which actually, is for my son (I hope), concluding my sharing with it as a message to all the dads…!!

----

13^th March 26

Happy Bday Baba

“ Jindagi lambi nahi badi honi chahiye, Babu Moshay”… Movie Anand

I never watched this movie, one I didn’t like kaka urf Rajesh Khanna & two, I never liked sad ending movies or say actionless movies then i.e. in 70’s! That’s why our childhood or teen-age time is best as we had a very clear idea about what we like & what we don’t & we could afford to say No to things which we don’t like, not watching Anand types movies was one such No! Well, it's weird start to write your father on his 91th Bday but then my genre was never supposed to write anything to our father in the first place, so be it! Baba, that’s the reason even the writer in me has to put his brain to work to limits whenever I decide to write to you anything & seriously, that’s how Father Son relationship was for us always! I used to wonder when later I watched movies like Lion King or Black Panther or A Good Dinosaur ( Disney & Marvel) & a father can be a friend also of the young as well grown up son was actually weird for me, because for me a father is some you don’t go nearby, mentally or physically & he never allows that if you try! Rather the only physical closeness with your father is when he slaps you, & I am not joking, that’s how my entire genre has grown up but & classic example of that relationship is in our very own movie, Shakti (Dilip Saab Vs Bachhan) where Dad & Son loves each other, respects each other yet just never express it ever!

But today let me tell you, none of these things which will be tagged as cruelty or child torture or even barbarian will make me reduce my respect (if not love) for you as a father & I mean it! As, you did in your best capacity for us what was known to you & if they say you can't fake being rich (Paishancha song Ananta yet nahi) then you can't act which you don’t know in reality & playing a right dad by books of child psychology, your genre never knew, so you couldn’t play that kind of father ever to us & that doesn’t make your sacrifice an inch less in comparison to today’s daddy friends around! Baba, just by observing following your daily routine on time & particularness in every small thing & writing down an expense of ten paisa (yes ten paisa) given to Sanjya for buying Rawalgaon Chocolate in diary at the end of the day, every small thing has helped me later in big way & today I take an opportunity to thank you for all those things, which you may feel weird but so be it! You have lived to an age which my genre won't even dreamt & my next genre don’t even want to live that long as they want all things superfast! To conclude, I will tell why I used the Anand’s quote, as I said I didn’t watch that movie but the dialogues & meaning of those words I understand much later as while everybody wants to love long then what’s difference between living long & big, I have gone over this differentiation in my mind many times & now when I look at you, I see my answers of many such questions! You have lived long & it's big in your way as long can be judged on the scale of years & by others but the bigness of your life only you can decide & that's being able to live life on your terms, which you did! This is the biggest gift you have given me by being my dad & by being the way you are, and I have no gift to give you for this advance return gift from you except trying to follow you & make my life big in my way!

Thanks for everything & being the way you are & these words are not just from me but from Neeta & my all friends & next genre too!

Sanjya, Neeta, Rohit, Paulomi, Rohan, Ketki, Nikhil, Kiran & all.

Sanjay Deshpande

smd156812@gmail.com

Sanjeevani Dev.

Please view my sharing about finding a Right Home/ Office in Pune, at YouTube link below & share if liked..

https://youtu.be/27j3I3rwGPQ?si=-ODYBxVI2Dl_C345

Please do visit my blog links below to read about real estate & home buying!

https://visonoflife.blogspot.com/2025/12/pune-real-estate-in-2026.html

https://jivnachadrushtikon.blogspot.com/2024/12/2025.html

Creating Togetherness; team Sanjeevani Way (Click link below)

https://www.flickr.com/photos/65629150@N06/albums/72157627904681345

For any of your complaints about city, log in at link below

www.punecorporation.org

Think Green, Think Life