"There are times as a parent
when you realize that your job is not to be the parent you always imagined
you'd be, the parent you always wished you had. Your job is to be the parent
your child needs, given the particulars of his or her own life and nature"….Ayelet Waldman
I often
wonder about myself as what kind of parent I am, as the true answer lies with
my sons only & I try to look at the things from their eyes which indeed is
a difficult task! I remember the kind of a kid I was & the treatment I got;
well some memories are not that pleasant yet now looking back I feel I deserved
it! As the quote says we try to reflect our own self in parenting which
sometimes may be right thing to do but it comes at the cost of conflict with
our own children! While writing about buildings & nature mostly, there are
times when something happens in our life which we haven’t imagined & one
such incidence made me pen down this sharing about parent children
relationship. Last week my younger son rohan & his few friends were planning
to go for a trip to Goa /Tarkarli as they are having holidays. Somehow initially
I agreed but later when he told me about the changed plan & night driving,
I refused & rohan got very much upset with me & I can understand it yet
somehow he accepted (well there wasn’t any option) & didn’t go for the
trip. The very same bus of his friends met with accident on way back at wee
hours of morning. Many of his friends got injured but fortunately no causality
was there. I was equally shocked by the news as rohan but didn’t show my
emotions to him. Rohan later said sorry to me as or he else he too would have
been got injured had he been on that bus & was very concerned for his
friends. I was concerned for the kids as well parents as I am sure most of the
parents would have opposed the trip idea but eventually have taken a step back
on the insisting child. As we all have gone through the role of being a child
& many of us are no in parenting role, so what we do when ours & our
child’s demand supply don’t match?
This
genre has everything available at their finger tips but they forget that love
& care can’t be shopped online! And one can’t learn to understand emotions at
IIN & what parents expect you can’t Google! Let’s understand parents are
not mere portals who fulfill your demands by punching your credit or debit card
details but are human beings who have emotions & are around to make you a
better person by their love & affection along with experience of life they
have! At the
same time parents should also know that buying gifts & taking the kids to
malls is not the way to keep them happy! Sometimes we should be firm to say no
& put our foot down when we can see that the demands from the kids are
wrong & illogical. I think somewhere a constant dialogue between
parents & the children is a must & that’s missing! What we expect from
our child & what he expects from us seems never getting meet & today we
are seeing the result because of this condition only.
It’s on
such background I decided to write my feelings to all rohan’s friends who has
gone to the trip as well with their parents. Sharing the same here…
Dear
Atharva, Indraneel, Nitin & all rohan’s friends,
I don’t know names of all of you neither I haven’t met many of
you yet I felt like writing rather sharing when I read the news about the bus
accident in which you were riding. Trust me I didn’t feel happy that rohan
wasn’t travelling on that bus with you all but was shocked, worried & sad
for what you all have gone through on a fun trip which does turn out so
drastic! I am not writing this letter to give one more lecture as by now all of
you must have got enough from your parents & seniors in family along with
your dosage of medicines! Why I am writing you is I see rohan in all of you
& want to share what every parent must be feeling. They must be relieved
that there wasn’t any fatal injury though one of your instructor rohan told me
is bit serious & may god brings her early recovery!
When rohan first asked me about the trip I did give permission
as he told me it will be a camp with Pugmarks or Foliage who are professional
people in the field & know how to conduct trips as well chalk out itinerary
of the trips. They usually don’t allow night travels as well have a staff which
takes care of the campers properly & trained for any mishap. But when later
on eleventh hour he told which fortunately he shared truth that your gang
didn’t get either pugmark or foliage & going with some unknown guy that too
over night travel then I strictly said no for his participation in the trip. Do
ask rohan his reaction & the dramas he made on me saying no; it wasn’t a
happy decision for me as I could see his displeasure but kids whatever I did it
was whatever I have experienced about such trips & night travels. Unknown
vehicles & their drivers whose backgrounds we don’t know, I have learnt in
hard way not to trust on such people & that was the only reason I put my
foot down.
When I read the news in paper I didn’t knew it’s your bus only,
still I whatsapped the news snap to rohan just to show him the outcome of night
travel & the boy didn’t tell it was his friends who were victims of the
accident. Its only today morning when Nitin Bhatt’s grandfather asked my father
i.e. rohan’s grandpa about rohan then I came to know about you all being met
with the mishap. For a second I was more shocked than rohan thinking of your
parents, kids I don’t blame you as we all learn through bitterness of life but
at what cost is the question we should ask our self! Today you all are young
& yet to see a lot of life ahead & may be the young age will heal the
physical as well mental scars but think just once about your mom & dad’s
mental condition when they would have heard about the accident!
I don’t say every trip met with such fate & no one should
move out of house ever by one such accident, but then wisdom & experience has
its own value lets don’t forget that! Agreed whatever has written in our
destiny happens yet we don’t go & jump from top floor of the building to
test our luck! All what I want to share is we all, even me also have tested our
luck & that’s why we don’t want our kids to try it as we were lucky, this
time you all also were lucky but not all time! Do enjoy the life as it’s your
age but do it responsibly & some time just obey what your seniors say
blindly & with a smile on face! I know you all love some or other sport & in every sport
they say learn from your seniors & take guidance from them, don’t they?
It’s not because the seniors can play better but it’s because seniors have done
mistakes & you can learn from those mistakes instead doing the same
mistakes by yourself! And here we are not only your seniors but we are your
parents, we have given you birth & we don’t want to lose you so cheaply!
God bless that as per what rohan told that no one has got any permanent damage
& imagine what would have been the scene if it’s so! It’s not that you
would have been crippled for ever but your parents wouldn’t have been ever
forgiven themselves for allowing you to go for the trip & just because you
guys insisted for the trip!
I am sorry but these feelings & words are outcome of aging
& being father of two grown up kids! I have my own reckless life which I
have put behind & was lucky to get away with the recklessness but if I
continued it by allowing my sons & my nephews’ & nieces to do the same
then I am the biggest fool, that’s why shared with you! Please forgive me if
you feel it’s one more mental dosage but look in your parent’s eyes & they
will also show you the same emotions & value those emotions always! One
more thing, rohan is extremely disturbed with what happened to his friends
& even I too would have felt same way & is afraid of speed is what he
shared with me. What I told him is don’t be afraid of speed just because of one
accident but learn to control the speed as fear is good but it should not make
you weak rather what I wish for you all is emerge as more strong person from
the incidence & use this as your guiding tool in future!
Lastly I am big fan of Spider man, Batman, Harry Potter &
all such super heroes & always share their quotes with rohit & rohan,
so here too I will share a quote
...”Choose wisely as not everyone will agree with choices you have made
but it’s you who has to live with them.. Dumbledore”; what the great wise
wizard has said is applicable to all of us so it’s up to you to choose wisely
& what better wisdom there can be which has come with age & care in the form of your parents! So get well
soon & make your parents happy as what all they want to see is not your top
scores or how much money you will earn in your carrier but fit, healthy,
smiling faces of yours, that’s more than enough for any parent & it doesn’t
take much to achieve that wish, is all I will say!
Get well soon & pray for recovery of the more seriously
injured friends of yours!
Love…
Sanjay
Kaka
--
Sanjay Deshpande
Sanjeevani Dev.
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speechless........no words to say anything more as you have said each and every word perfectly
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