Growing Up!

Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But at some night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up.”...Dalai Lama.

Tomorrow I will be entering to other half of 40's & while looking at my blog I realized its more than 4 years I am writing the blog, earlier the intervals were a bit more but then later pretty steady & continuous just like the way I grew. Looking back I asked myself am I really growing? Well if passing of year’s is considered then the time don't speak lie ever so I am but then its aging, what about growing? Remembered one advertise of some Viscki where prominent celebrities like Saif Ali Khan, Gautam Gambhir have shown doing their things & asking a question to themselves at the end of the advertise, "Have I made it large?" The journey which has started nearly 44 years back from a small town Khamgaon, now has been settled on a lot steadier path in happening place like Pune. I can still remember my first visit as becoming Punekar in 1986, a typical rainy season morning & travel from Pune station to Kothrud, where my hostel has been located &  now I myself don't believe it was in a "Tanga" ie Horse driven cart! A boy of 16 years looking around with fascinating eyes, as from Khamgaon to Pune was a big shift then! Now from Khamgaon you will get people migrated all over the world but some 28 years back even 500 odd kilometers from town was like going abroad & still today culture wise Pune is abroad for us who have come from that part of the State. Still in my town in talkies i.e. cinema hall there are separate sections for ladies & gents, a thing which we can’t even imagine in our dreams here in Pune. Still in that town of mine there are human driven rickshaws which we will consider as barbarian if we see the poor guy pulling it in a summer which take the mercury as high as 48 degrees!

That boy who has come in Pune in 86 had a Luna which was luxury then at my town but looking at the vehicles around I realized my Luna was a laughing stock though there were many bicycles around then yet they too were in far better condition than my Luna. Well considering the journey, I have grown up in stature, is what people around me will say, as now I drive a fairly good car with a driver round the clock & need not have to worry the temperature outside with AC on but is this mean growing? I asked to myself.

From where I have come even speaking fluent Puneri marathi wasn't taught & here English was flowing like a native tongue! I remembered once sitting amongst  friends in college a local Pune girl asked our group where is her class room & she used English; none of us could guide her instead we sheepishly smiled & looked away! Such was the condition of our lingual skills! And now I go to institutes lecturing even post grads for hours in English  & wrote a blog of my own, again the same question come to my mind, does this mean have I really grown?

That boy was so shy of his limitations & back ground that for first one or two years his friend circle was limited to few boys from rural having back-ground similar to him & where ever they go they used to stick together like rabbits in open forest & felt secure within premise of their hostel. The only travels were from hostel to college to mess & sometimes to movie & window shopping at Deccan or Laxmi road. I remember once we managed to go to Sinhagd by PMT in heavy rains, slept in a school at the base of Sinhagad & in early morning as no one couldn't sleep due to rains & cold, started climbing up & reached at top at sun rise. My only shoe pair of duplicate Adidas got torn in the climb & next six months I was kept looking at shoes in show case in shops at Deccan. Not that the money was that scarce its just not done in those days & now I have separate shoe for jogging, for gym, for badminton, for site going, for office & casual wear! I have friend circle as wide as I could imagine, from all classes of society & now that boy isn't afraid to travel in any part of world & need not have to take rest in any school for night but can afford any hotel! Again the same question, does this mean I have grown up?

That boy used to enjoy watching movies & reading books & playing badminton also. The travels to the cinema halls was mostly standing in a crowded PMT bus & many a times  walking back as tickets used to consume all the money & a cutting tea with vada pav used to be that days dinner as mess would have got close till the movie ends. Reading was mostly borrowed books or a cheapest marathi library in the locality. Playing badminton was out of imagination as it was then also a costly affair with court rents & shuttle prices yet he used to manage for finding a group occasionally who will accommodate his limited resources & allowed him to play with them! And now I have a library of my own, now there are movies in multiplexes with dinner which cost what can be a month’s salary of a middle class family & game of badminton in the best of the courts the city can have! Is it what growing up means?

Back then that boy had less money & few friends yet except the pressure of exam which also we used to enjoy there wasn't any worry or even time to worry & now when I have got everything around, I have hundreds of worries & time for them also. Right from whether a land deal will be through at end & will there be any problem in title of the land to whether my grown up son will be back from his college safely, so many of them & feeling the pressure these thoughts build in the back of the head. My most famous quote from Spider man haunts me always "With great power come along great responsibilities"; similarly is it, with growing up comes along big worries? And then again same sawal, have I really grown up, if yes why?

I think one should ask our own self this question then only we will be able to know the meaning of growing up as for me it has to be an individual’s definition. The answer lies within that how & what way we define growing up? So many things around us keep us changing & so does we, along with the surrounding. But not allowing changing the basic of us & not losing the charm of living in the process, I think is the growing up. Age does brings many experiences to us but what we gain & what loose in that process is like a balance sheet of life & its outcome decides whether you have grown up or you have just aged! I am not sure yet I have grown up but am happy that at least I started thinking on these lines & maybe that's the start of growing. Now I can see the world around with more clear eyes; feel the pain around more sharply & know my responsibility towards others problems more strongly. I have started understanding joy has to be looked out in even smallest of the things happening around me; and for that I have to ignore my own ego most of the times. It's high time to understand my greed's as well my needs & more important my duties as well feelings & act up on them, is what I have started thinking. I have started understanding that there sure is a difference between growing & aging. That boy within, keeps looking at me in my dreams as well even when I am awake but I no more miss him as I know he may have been away for a while but I haven't lost him!

And am happy that in the process I still have you with who I can share this feeling which one may call foolishness or wisdom or childishness of mind but which may be the first step of growing up. An at last what more fun there can be if you know you are growing up & there is someone with whom you can share your growing ! Well that's it!
Frds, thanks  a lot for giving me that fun is all I can say !

--
Sanjay

Sanjeevani Dev.

Envo-Power Committee, Credai, Pune

Please do visit my blogs to know about our philosophy at Sanjeevani ! (Click the links below)

http://jivnachadrushtikon.blogspot.in/

http://visonoflife.blogspot.com/

Social Side of Sanjeevani ! (Click link below)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/65629150@N06/sets/72157628805700569/

For any of your complaints about city, log in at link below

http://www.punecorporation.org/GRS/Complaint/LaunchComplaintCitizen.aspx

Think Green, Think Life

www.sanjeevanideve.com