“One of the
greatest titles in the world is parent, and one of the biggest blessings in the
world is to have parents to call mom and dad”… Jim DeMint.
James Warren DeMint is an American politician who was a United
States Senator from South Carolina; he is a member of the Republican Party and
a leading figure in the Tea Party movement. No wonder adhering to most US
politicians he too thrives on family values & his above quote speaks about
the same aspect of life which most families in the most sought after country
are missing! And yes on the background of some recent incidences in our very
own country rather in my own backyard made me use this quote about parents. The
social media as well print media was abuzz rather with suicide of one young
Manmath Mhaiskar who happened to be only son of high level govt official
couple. With due respect to his parents who are my family friends, off late
whatever little reputation I have got being a writer, many friends asked me to
write something about this incidence. Actually the sudden ending of own life by
Manmath has come as shock to many mid age parents whom I too represent. As well
on the same time there was news of a young NDA cadet named Jaiswal ending his
life in form of suicide & he too was from middle class family. Imagine a
young NDA cadet ending his life so early, an institute which supposedly makes
its students tough by mind as well by body, what could have made him so
desperate to end his life! Here when I say a
middle class family then what I meant is a family where culture still is
alive, where good & bad definitions are simple & clear, where parents
have got decent education background & a family which is doing good on
financial basis too i.e. it may not be necessarily earning millions but for
them day to day survival is not an issue. So what makes the youngsters, who
have been brought up in such comfortable environment to take decision of
killing their life so early? Being a writer makes people think about you that
you can write on any subject which is not true actually. But this was such a
topic which not just as writer or engineer or wild lifer or builder but very
close to me as a father, courtesy my two growing sons, who are in nearly same
age of Manmath! But instead of writing down my feelings, first I made a self
talk video; a medium which I felt can connect with the youngsters in better
way. But then the writer father also popped up & so this sharing,
especially for the youngsters who still believes in reading (there are many
with due respect but lesser than our younger days) as well this is for parents
of the teens who are in their late forties as this suicide topic is becoming a
nightmare for most of the well to do parents!
Here many will say what’s big deal in it, as every day we read such
suicide news & that of youngsters too; so what made Manmath as well the NDA
cadet special? Well, agreed we do read many such news but when someone
from a well settled family with parents like he has got or the Jaiswal has got
then thousands like us get shaken off deep inside thinking even we can be the
next such unfortunate parents! As when every possible materialistic thing was
available which a teen age boy can think of & loving parents along,
then what would have went so terribly wrong that these boys decided to end
their life, this question haunts me! And then on the other hand is news paper
Maharashtra Times initiative where they help via society to the young kids who have
passed SSC exam wit above 90% marks. And these kids are
from opposite background that of the most suicide cases kids are form. Here
these kids are with either of parent has been passed away or disable to earn
& in extreme poor conditions, many of them are living in slums. Life has
taken away everything from these kids but one thing & that is their
fighting spirit. All these poor kids want to live, they want to have everything
which they have been deprived off & they want to achieve something which
our elite society calls success!
Now when we define success, our generation was lucky as things
were very simple; all you have to choose for career was science, commerce,
arts, and engineering or medical that’s it! What most of the teens wanted is a
secured job, having a small four wheeler & a 2 bhk flat, is all which used
to be definition of successful life. And agreed we didn’t have much of money at
hand but that was good because it saved us from comparing with others as most
of the kids were on same platform speaking financially. Eating out was a term
unheard of & most important there was no internet or smart phones so we
could spend time in reading or with friends. Even today I am
personally not sure what we call social media is boon or curse for us. As on
one side if it helps in keeping people connected crossing miles of distance but
on other side it takes you away from the people who are just around you. Actually
generation of ours has seen maximum changes of life style i.e. from antenna
radio when we were kids to today’s latest I Phone 7, all gadgets we got exposed
to. Speaking about family culture, we
have been grown up with the term “saat chya aat gharat” i.e. we have to return
inside of our house before 7pm; in short no “night life” in today’s
language. And today this very same generation of ours has to spent
sleepless nights waiting for our kids to return home till past midnight. As this genre
don’t pick up their parents calls, don’t reply to even harmless messages of
caring mom or dad who are just asking if all is well & when their son or
daughter is coming back to home who is chilling out with his or her friends.
And then this younger lot gets offended even by smallest of things like asking
them where are you going & when you will be back? And if you ask them about
studies or tell them to curtail time on internet then you had it; this is the
scene in most so called successful families around. On this background I
remember my childhood or even college days & right from choosing civil
branch for diploma to which movie I should watch, on all fronts my father’s
words were like order of Supreme Court & I am not comparing my generation
with today’s as that’s something this genre doesn’t approve. The biggest difference is we believed in our parents &
had respect not just fear for them. This respect has come from the trust that
whatever my parents will think for me, they may not be right but they will
always think of something better for me, with their limited knowledge. This is
respect & trust is missing from the minds of today’s genre about their
parents as these kids think they know everything.
This is why I say, today’s young genre is cursed with plenty
& this plenty comes on all fronts; right from choice of career to having
pairs of shoes these kids has access to all the luxuries of life, which
actually is outcome of their parents’ hard work. To start with they have career
opportunities right from catering to tourism to photography & the list is
endless. Medical & engineering still has got its luster but at the
same time options like finance or marketing management are picking up. Though
not related to our topic yet pure sciences are not on agenda of most youngsters
is sad thing for not just science but entire nation. Then most of the well to
do families can afford to send their kids to countries like UK or USA for
higher studies so that’s one more popular avenue open. When I look at all the options life is offering to this young
genre, then I don’t understand whether to consider them lucky or unlucky, as
with all such avenues anybody will get confused & do mind a confused mind
is most easy target for insecurity which leads to depression. And that’s exact reason
why this genre gets succumbed to games like Blue Whale which is much in talks
right now, in this game the player is asked to perform few tasks at each level
& final task is ending own life! Weird it may seem but a confused mind is
easy prey for such games as recently there have been incidences of teens
attempting suicides because of such online games.
The problem with
parents of my generation is often when a youngster ends his or her life then
all blame goes to parents only, as if
they only have pushed the kid to such tragic end, is what entire media &
even close ones also start preaching them. The grief of losing loved child on
one side & on other side guilt of not being able to prevent such tragic end
& on top of it you only get tagged as guilty for your child’s suicide, just
imagine to stand such pressure or pain is the proper word. It’s often said by
all the psychologists or so called philosophical guru’s on media that have a
dialogue with your child, don’t burden him or her with the pressure of
expectations to such level that he or she will end up his life. But tell me
which parent will like to see his child ending his or her life for so called
success, I am sure none. It’s not just parents but entire system which we call
society is responsible to push any kid to suicide is what I feel. As look
around & what you see, everybody is
busy in comparison of their life with others on every front, may it be
job or pair of shoes or bike or home or cell phone, most of us keeps doing things
just to outnumber others. That’s what this generation has been grown up seeing
around & this rat race is not just restricted to their parents but at
school, in friend’s homes, everywhere it’s there & no wonder these kids
also become part of this comparison race even without knowing it. And then with
the curse of plenty along they are not used to being deprived for having
something neither they are mentally tough to accept a defeat or rejection. Here
is where importance of hobbies like playing any sport along with reading like
things comes in picture. As when you play any sport it’s not just if you come
first in any competition is what makes you master of that game but if you learn
to accept a loss in any game with smile & at the same time if some win is
not going in your head then I will say you have mastered the game. As it’s not
just playing some sport but understanding spirit of the sport is what makes you
a better person! And it’s this spirit of the sport which helps you being stable
or balanced in your life out of the sports arena. So as a parent do understand
these small things as just your dialogue isn’t going to make your child
understand what you feel form him but it’s the activities & entire
surrounding he is bought up is going to make him understand importance of
living. Our mind carries both types of emotions negative & positive & I
am sure each of us even my genre too
have our share of negative thoughts & some time or other many of us has
gone through the situation that all is lost & lets end this life. But then
real fun is to rise from this situation & hit away the negativity of our
own mind. And to make the young genre understand this fact is responsibility of
every one of us who considers himself or herself as grown up & not of just
some parents who has teen age kids.
Agreed sharing
comes in many forms along with sports for e.g. as a father write your kid on
every possible occasion as well take him out for a general drive. Not necessary
each time when you have time at hand you should take him to some mall & buy
him goodies as remember however rich you may be but you can’t ever buy values
of life to your kid. They has to be cultivated in him by your acts as well let him
learn to acquire those values just like you
can push him in water but he only has to swim if he wants to be afloat
in water. At the same time the youngsters also should understand this fact that
today whatever their parents are it’s not just by some good luck but they have
fought hard to reach here & success is creating your own achievements,
however small it may be but do it by yourself & see how beautiful life is.
All I will share with the younger lot (my sons included) that life is
responsibility too & a precious gift & you are lucky to have it via your
parents. Remember when you decide to end your life over smallest of the things
like breakup with girlfriend or fear of failure then you are leaving three dead
bodies behind, one is your own & two are your parents. Long back when I was
kid there was dialogue in the most famous movie of Bollywood "Sholay",
when A K Hangal has to carry body of his son Sachin & he says, “janate ho
duniyaka subse bada bozz kya hai? Budhe baap ke khande pe jawan beteki arthy”
means biggest burden for any old father is to carry dead body of his young son
on his shoulder! Guys some day you are supposed to pass on legacy your parents
have gifted to you to next genre & some day you also will be father or
mother to some fine young boy or girl but for that you need to live first.
So, dear youngsters remember your marks, your career, your success
of having top position in job, all these
things are immaterial for your parents as nothing of it is that pricy which can
be exchanged with your life. And if you think
you are not getting enough support from your parents or teachers, in fighting your fears then create your own
support; play, read, dance, laugh, cry, run, make friends, speak out yourself,
be part of nature as its best guru, do
anything but suicide is all I will say! It’s said, the
young age is best time in your life but to experience it you need to grow up
old & for that you have to live. And do mind growing old is the best return
gift for this best time you had, which you can ever give to this society of
which your parents too are part of!
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